Angie writes:

I am so happy to have found this! I’m fat…and I have epilepsy. To compound the matter, most anti-seizure medications cause weight gain and drowsiness. My last neurologist, while being a pretty nice guy, was always on me about how badly I needed to lose weight so that the risk of injury when I fall from seizures would be lessened. That I can understand. On my last few visits with him, however, he became much more insistent, as he didn’t see any change on the scales. Tearful, I told him that I had been trying to lose weight, but had been unsuccessful. He asked me what I was doing to try to lose weight, with what I perceived to be an almost condescending tone. I told him I had started to exercise 2-3 days a week, 30 min. a day, cut out red meats, decreased caloric intake, switched to fresh, whole foods only – nothing prepackaged… He smirked at me, and cut me off in mid sentence and said “You are still focused on food! You are not going to lose weight until you get food out of your head! You simply have to stop eating.” He went on to tell me that I could run 5 miles a day and it would only burn x amount of calories, and that would barely be half of one meal, so the only real way to lose weight is to stop eating. He didn’t say stop eating breakfast, or stop eating junk food. He said stop eating. Period. I was humiliated, ashamed, and felt as though this physician was telling me that there was simply no hope for me other than starvation and becoming anorexic.

Kelly writes:

I spent three hours reading and re-reading many of the stories posted on your blog and I felt compelled to share one of my own, but mine involves an MFT (marriage and family therapist).

Since early 2007, my husband and I have been coping with the fact that his ex-wife is engaged in parental alienation with their nine-year-old twin sons. Since March of 2008 he and I have been in court for eight ex parte hearings (all dismissed in our favor) as well as a multi-day civil misdemeanor trial against his ex-wife for violating a court order (the parenting agreement on file with the courts). We’re gearing up for a second trial later this year, and this time his ex is looking at felony charges.

One result of this nightmare is the fact that both my husband and I are emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically exhausted, and back in April of this year we decided we needed an MFT to help up navigate our experiences, keep what’s left of our sanity, and help his sons cope with their mother.

Because our situation is so very convoluted, the therapist we chose spent three sessions just doing an intake interview with us. We then spent another session outlining our goals and aspirations for therapy. And then, somewhere in the middle of our fifth session with this individual, our session took the following turn:

MFT (at me): Do you think your weight has anything to do with what you’re experiencing?

Me: No. I’ve been fat all my life and accepted my body years ago.

Husband (at MFT): She’s got the best body image of anyone I’ve ever met, which is one of the things I love about her.

MFT: How much to you weigh?

Me: I don’t know. I haven’t been on a scale in years, but I can tell you that clothes I’ve had since 1990 still fit the same, so my weight hasn’t changed much in 20 years.

MFT: Well, exercise and eating for fuel and not for comfort are so important in staying healthy. All of your excess weight (waving a hand in the general area of my abdomen) is so hard on your heart and joints, and just about every system in your body.

I shut up at this point, but my husband – bless him – tried to stay calm as he explained to her that I do exercise, I do eat well, that I don’t overeat. She listened, but I could tell from her body language that she really wasn’t buying it.

That was our last visit with that particular therapist, but I did learning something from this experience. Before our first appointment with our current therapist, I wrote a letter to him explaining that I’m fat, I know I’m fat, I’m not concerned about my fatness, and that my fatness has nothing to do with the stress and anxiety I’m currently under. I’m stressed because my husband’s ex-wife calls the police to our house on weekends we have visitation because she claims to hear us hitting and swearing at the boys when she calls them. I’m stressed because the boys panic when their mother calls them at our house and says she misses them so much that she thinks she’s going to die. I’m stressed because twice this year she’s told the boys that unless they tell her that they don’t love their father, she’s going to commit suicide. I’m stressed because we missed 21 days of visitation in 2009 because his ex-wife refused to deliver the boys. I’m stressed because we’ve spend nearly $50k of our retirement money in lawyers and court fees defending ourselves and trying to mitigate her pathology with the boys. In other words, I’m stressed for a lot of reasons, but *not* because I’m fat.

So far he seems to understand where I’m coming from because the only time I’ve been asked about my weight was when he asked both of us if either of us has experienced any dramatic weight loss or gain since all of this started during the intake interview. I’m hopefully cautious that this therapist might be a keeper.

Marvin writes:

I wish to file a tort claim against Va Hospitals in Detroit and Ann Arbor for the following reasons. Fraud, abuse, intentional infliction of emotional distress, assault, deliberate false statements in medical records, False diagnosis in order to cause harm, intentional denial of life sustaining medical treatment and services. They have caused me mental and physical suffering. I am requesting your help to cause to the Veterans Hospital in Detroit and Ann Arbor to treat my Medical conditions. I am an honorably discharged veteran of the Marine Corps. The last few years have been very difficult and I don’t know how long I can hold out. I feel I am losing myself. I have pleaded for help from both hospitals without success. I have called the suicide hot-line four times trying to get help. I have called and written the hospital directors office, the patient’s advocates, I have contacted the Marine Corps league, American legion, Congresswoman Kilpatrick, John Dingle, and Debbie Stabeanow, President Obama, and no one will help me. I have a substance abuse, depression history and I feel that they use this to justified not treating me. I am scared of the staff member because of staff’s constant use of hospital security guard to threaten and harass me. I have never had a violent incident at any Veterans hospital; however the hospital staff consistent lies and profiles me as a violent person with no adequate evidence or history. Please help this is a very serious matter, I want to get better. I struggle with homelessness and maintaining a residents, I can’t sleep, focus, I am isolating, and I am very depressed. Veteran’s hospitals have some great services for Veterans who suffer with the same or similar conditions, but I can’t excess treatment. I know for a fact that there conduct is a vicious malicious deliberate act to harm me. I can explain and provide evidence for why I feel this way. Please, don’t dismiss me as just another crazy veteran who is making up conspiracies; I am not crazy or delusional I am not making this up, I can prove it. Please I have no criminal background; I have served my country and worked most of life until I became disabled around 2001. I am a large African American male (connect to profile). I have not broken any veterans hospital rules although I am sure they will tell you I have. I beg you; please don’t take their word for it someone needs to investigate. I will sign any release necessary. You will find staff misconduct and violations of federal laws in their effort to deny me treatment and services. I can’t access any appeals or due process procedures. I don’t know what to do. I am in severe Pain, I don’t feel I can make it if I don’t get help. Please help me.

ETA: I have removed his last name, phone number, and email address from this plea for help, but I have it saved in a Word doc on my pc. If anyone can point him in the direction he needs to go for help with this, I’ll be glad to pass that information on to him. Thanks, vesta44

Miss Silver writes:

I’m looking to help a friend who is in need of a size-friendly doctor.
She is in Snohomish County, WA, and she needs a GP and a joint doctor; she has been diagnosed with partial lumbarization of the spine and thus has immense difficulty walking without pain. She has also been caught in a cycle of doctors either downplaying or outright dismissing very valid health concerns. There was a time period where she was in the hospital repeatedly, with a documented problem, which went dismissed or downplayed as just pain, when there were tests to confirm exactly what it was. She loves being out and about, photography, and is about to resume school – if there’s anything I would like for her, it is to resume school with minimal pain.

I’m in NY, across the country, and there’s very little that I can do, but if there is any way that you could help, please. I cannot see this continue for her.

Naomi writes:

I am looking for a size-friendly endocrinologist in the Detroit/Ann Arbor/Toledo area. I have a wonderful GP, but she just won’t accept that my normal thyroid test results don’t rule out hypothyroidism. I am hoping to find someone I don’t have to convince, because I’ve already wasted enough time trying that, and I’m miserable. Every day I spend in pain is a day I’m not accomplishing something else.

The size-friendly aspect is a little complicated: I have long ago accepted that I am a fat person for life – I just don’t feel healthy being THIS fat, and continually gaining. How can I find a doctor who won’t focus on my weight as the root cause of my problem, and yet understand that it is a symptom of the problem, and itself causes some other problems? I just can’t see someone who thinks that the cure for hypothyroidism is losing weight – because, obviously, if it were that simple, I would have done that already. I’m looking for someone experienced with Armour Thyroid. Someone who didn’t have a 6-month wait for an appointment would be best.

Thanks.

Emily writes:

Hi,
I love your work and your sites. I hope to write more later, but right now I am having a big problem that I hope someone there can help with. I am looking for doctors in the New York City area who are size-accepting. I am having a lot of health problems that are severely interfering with my work and life, and I am being told it is just because I am fat. I know that it is not because I am fat, because I have been at this same weight for years and not felt like this. I used to train like an athlete at this weight and now I can barely walk down the block. Please help if you can. I am looking for an endocrinologist, rheumatologist, and internist. THANK YOU.

Honour writes:

I’ve been steadily gaining weight since I was 16; I’m now 25. My metabolism drastically changed just before I turned 17, when I started taking an SSRI for anxiety symptoms. The SSRI helped quell my panic, but it also made me ravenously hungry while slowing my metabolism to a crawl. Despite being my most active for the following four years, dancing and fencing regularly, I still packed on weight. I moved to a walkable city without a car, and walked or used public transport–still gained. All the while, I’ve eaten a diet of mostly vegetables and some whole grains and meats, the sort that gets labelled “healthy” by doctors and nutritionist websites.

It was suggested I get my thyroid checked a couple months back, and when I read up on hypothyroidism it was like a laundry list of my non-specific complaints. They’re all pretty general (fatigue, weight gain, irritability, low-grade depressive symptoms, dry skin, increased tendency toward migraines), so I’d never thought they might be connected. I have bad migraines that I’ve struggled to control and recently gotten a grip on (down from 4-5 a week to 1 every 7-10 days), and my doctor has been pretty genial and not commented on my size at all while we tried to fix that up.

I made an appointment with him, and he agreed that my symptoms might be indicative of a low thyroid function, so labs were drawn. We also did the usual stuff, and my pulse and BP remain in the “Awesome!” range.

My results came back with a TSH of 3.29, and a note saying I’m fine. However, because of my research before making the appointment, I knew that the lab values were incorrect; the American Academy of Clinical Endocrinologists reccomend a 3 as the top cut off for the normal range–and even if he disagreed, if I’m having symptoms, it might be worth trying a medication to see if they improve. I made a follow-up appointment to discuss.

I brought the reccomendation for the lab range with me, and suggested that we should consider what the professional association who deal with this use. My doctor refused to back down, stating that the lab would have changed their values if it was important (!) and that he was not comfortable treating me at this level no matter what other doctors said. He then said those words that strike fear into all chubby people everywhere:

“Just eat less and exercise more.”

I protested that I use a calorie tracker on occasion, and that I know what I’m putting into my body. I work night shift, so finding time to exercise can be very difficult, but it would be exceptionally difficult for me to eat less–I might pass out. He told me a story about a study done in Britain that showed that all women who say they eat only X amount of calories a day are totally lying (yeah, I don’t know what that was about, either), with the implication that therefore I must be lying. He also said that all of his 25-30 year old patients complain about weight gain because “you can’t eat whatever you like any more, your metabolism is changing.” Protests that mine changed nine years ago abruptly with a medication known to cause metabolic changes didn’t seem to sink in.

I left frustrated and annoyed, still heavier than feels comfortable for my body (my most comfortable weight is somewhat lighter but not as thin as I was before all this started as a teenager), and without answers. I plan to move in a couple of months and hope to take up this question with a new doctor. Weight loss is not my goal so much as the other symptoms, though I wouldn’t mind it. Anyone know good endocrinologists or GPs in the Atlanta area?

Jean writes:

This is a bad news/good news story. I hope it will inspire others to not give up trying to find a compassionate doctor.

When I joined Group Health Cooperative in Seattle (a non-profit HMO) I made an appointment to meet my new “primary care” doctor (an older man and specialist in internal medicine). On the day of my first (and last) appointment with this man, he opened the door, stood in the hall with his hand on the door-nob, scowling at me, and said, “What can I do for you?” This was said in a voice laden with scorn while he looked at me with disgust plain on his face.

I sized him up, noted his extremely rude behavior, and said with utter calm, “Well, you can start by coming into the room and having a seat.” I felt like I was talking to an angry child. He huffed and stomped into the room and proceeded to make it VERY clear that he saw no reason to try to help me with any of my chronic medical conditions as it was obvious to him that I would be non-compliant and do nothing he recommended. The word “obesity” managed to fall from his lips about twenty times in ten minutes. I demanded that he refill my prescription for insulin and thyroid medication (the bare minimum I needed from him while I moved on to look for a different doctor) and he huffed out of the room.

The good news is that I didn’t give up. I searched to find a woman doctor with a reputation of being “nice” and found my current doctor. She has helped me with a positive attitude, a smile and complete compassion. She understands that no one decides, “Hey, I think I’ll become obese and insulin resistant. That sounds like fun!” Instead, she sees me as someone who is working hard at being as healthy as possible. Even if I’m not always successful, I am making progress due in part to her encouragement and positive attitude. Take a note, doctors! Being kind and supportive is MUCH more helpful than scowling and making dire predictions from your high horse!

ETA: This was a comment sent in, I decided it would make a good post. vesta44